This was me on 29 September 2018. I had just gone through the most challenging working week I ever had. I barely slept, I only worked, I juggled a hundred responsibilities and sought balance in my little village. I was leading three full-time projects at once, and each had their own challenges and unexpected issues to address. Before that week, I had seven weeks of 14 hour working days, of difficult time management, of unexpected problems, of profound emotional discovery and struggle, and of continuously having to show up for myself and others. And yet — there I was. After eight weeks of constantly pushing the bar, managing expectations (mine and that of others around me), taking risks, feeling vulnerable and frustrated, I stood on a stage before 400 people and smiled, aced my job, grew, inspired. Far from victimising myself, this note is about admiration, empowerment, self-love. I am unbeatable, I am an artist, I create my own path. I am learning to listen to myself, and not to others. I am honored to be myself.
Every problem, incident, worst-case scenario that I face, is only a test that asks me: How much can you grow? It is the moment of truth, where I can choose to love myself or to live in fear. September, you have been a rollercoaster. October, you have been all but gentle. And yet — here I am. My eyes keep on looking forward, even if situations try to drag me backwards. My eyes are full hope, even if situations try to make me give up. I sometimes doubt, feel sad and lonely, but I emerge on the other side with more trust and love for myself. The artist creates. And in darkness I create a tunnel where I can emerge on the other side, where I can emerge with light. My book says it: It is in times of darkness that we can see better.
To those who I have hurt and disagreed, struggled, argued, battled with: Your story is yours. I will write my own and I will write it knowing that my intentions for everything I do are good. I embrace the learnings that you bring, yet I will never let myself down by taking them personally. Know that I am at Peace with my work, with my art, and with myself. I wish the same for you.
To those who have helped me in this process, listened to me, offered me their trust and space: Thank you. You are sent my way in the right moments, and my heart receives you like fertile earth receives water. I hope I can gift you the same warmth, heart and rationality you have given me over the last month. Thank you to the sunflowers, the trees and the birds who take care of me in my little village, too. Thank you for your protection.
To myself: I love you. I trust you. I admire you. I honor the path you’re in and how you walk up on your own stage and own your own show. How you laugh a little, cry a little, bounce up and down and eventually find your place. How you feel so, so deeply. How you build a fort to protect your self-worth. How you value the little details. How you smile. Your kind heart is strong beyond measure. I learn from you every day. Thank you, thank you, thank you.